the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
