The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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