Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
