so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
