Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
