Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
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I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
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Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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