i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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