Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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