New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
