And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
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My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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