I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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