If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i love accidental penises.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
