he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
