i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
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Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
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This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
my poor anus
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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