A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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