dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
