So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
