no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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