I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
