I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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