How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
