I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
