You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
