bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
