That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
