I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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