I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
