Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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