Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
