I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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