You're a womanizer and a bitch.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
