I need help removing her.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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