In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
