I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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