youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
