I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I will pee on everything he values.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
