Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
