Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
