Cold hands, warm shart.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?