Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.