is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
