ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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