THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
