If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
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Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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