What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
