saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize