I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
