what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
