You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
