I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I deserve this hangover.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
