i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
