and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
