I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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