I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
