When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
