my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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