Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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