just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
