sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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