im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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