It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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