Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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