Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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