Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
