I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
