I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
