I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
