i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
