i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
