DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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